Kinky Friedman: Candidate for Governor

Well, you can't say that the Texas Governor's race isn't going to be interesting this year!

Kinky, who, back in the 70's, led a band called Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys threw his hat in the race last night, as an independent. You might remember them, known for such hits as “They Ain't Makin' Jews Like Jesus Anymore” and “Asshole from El Paso.” (Hey! It was a different climate back then!).

Kinky gave an interview with The New Yorker, back in May. I just ran across it this afternoon. And it is HIGH-larious. Even if you're not politically inclined, it's a good read.

Witness the following teasers:

“The decisions that kill me are the little ones,” Kinky told me later. “Wardrobe kills me. I have two outfits. I have my Waylon Jennings vest, which is this booger here that Waylon gave me, and I have my preaching coat, and every morning it takes me half the goddam day to figure which one I'm going to wear.”

On this occasion, he had gone with the vest—the preaching coat is usually reserved for more formal occasions—a slightly weather-beaten black leather number, worn over a black shirt and jeans, topped off with his customary black Stetson and the first of eight or ten cigars (Montecristo No. 2s) that he smokes each day.

Kinky is assisted by his his buddy and former bandmate, Jeff Shelby (a
conservatory-trained pianist who played keyboards, accordion, clavieta, toy
trumpet, and kazoo), who now serves as a driver and "voice of reason—or,
often, a sort of profound unreason". Kinky, who has never been married, often introduces his buddy and former bandmate, Jeff Shelby, as Jewford to crowds as “very possibly the next First Lady of the state of Texas”; when asked about it, Jewford tends to shrug and say things like “I need a gig.”

Kinky has stated, “My platform is to remember that when they went out searching for Sam Houston to try to persuade him to be the governor—and he was the greatest governor this state has ever had—rumor has it that they found him drunk, sleeping under a bridge with the Indians.”

Kinky's campaign t-shirst read: KINKY 2006: WHY THE HELL NOT?”

When asked, Kinky said, “If I win, the first thing I'll do is demand a recount,” and promising that, if elected the first Jewish governor of Texas, he would reduce the speed limit to 54.95.

He had previously explained that he wanted the job because he needed the closet space, and he had already promised the job of warden of women's prisons to at least eight different guys.

Commenting on America's divided culture: “I grieve that NASCAR people never go to the lesbians' tea-houses, and the lesbians never go to NASCAR”.

Outlining his policies on education: “I say, No Teacher Left Behind. The teachers are getting screwed”.

Further proposing financing public education through the legalization of video poker terminals in bars: Slots for Tots.

Supporting nondenominational prayer in schools: what sort of prayer would it be? Kinky didn't know, but offered an explanation for his position: “Well, I confess that I get bored with the Lord on occasion, and, when I do, my spiritual adviser, Billy Joe Shaver, who has an affinity for the divinity, has convinced me that prayer is an excellent idea.”